overcoming Pornography

Pornography is a plaque that is sweeping the nation. It is something that is also very hard to avoid because of the day and age we live in. I have personally known a lot of people that have struggled with it. I have seen tear about families and cause a lot of heartache. Pornography not only affects the person that watches, but also the people they love. My best friend married someone that struggles with addiction to pornography. She has expressed to me multiple times of the struggles that her relationship has. I know it caused her a lot of pain and emotional stress. The hardest part of all of this trying to avoid pornography because it is everywhere. TV, movies, billboards, even commercials contain inappropriate materials and images that cause our brains to react. It is so difficult to keep those images out of your head once they are in there. I have put some thoughts in trying to figure out what we can do to protect our homes from these damaging influences 

1) pray always. Pray together as a family and alone. When it gets hard to keep pure pray for the help you need to withstand temptation. 

2) spend time together. Have fun with your family and bring a spirit of joy in your home

3) laugh together. Laughter is the best medicine right?

4) forgive. Remember that everyone messes up. No one is perfect and they should not have to be. Be wiling to forgive so when you make a mistake you can also be forgiven.

Pornography is hard to beat, but we can be stronger. We can overcome trails with the help of our family. Marriage is worth effort.  

High Expectations

I have heard over and over again that it is better to have low expectations because that way your heart will never get broken. Well, I say that is no way to live! Who wants to live in a world where you are always down playing yourself in certain situations. I sure do not. When my husband and I got married, the best advice we got was to having weekly inventories. My husband and I both served missions for the LDS church and when we were given this advice it reminded us of the companionship inventories we were required to have weekly. So at first we laughed it off and thought it was silly idea.

Fast forward 2 months into marriage and we realize it no longer a silly idea. It is SO needed. I have a non conventional personality. Conflict stresses me out and I do not like it one bit. So I bury a lot of my trails and harsh feelings I am having to save myself from the conflict, but when I do start to express myself, It all comes out at once and I start talking about last week's problems and my husband is so confused. So we started doing inventories. We always start by thinking of what frustrated us this week, what the other person could have done differently to help the situation. We always end by saying nice things about the other and we always leave feeling ready for the new week, knowing no conflict or hurt feelings remain. 

So I say have high expectations. Expect the absolute best from your spouse. If you are not getting the best, then try and see what you can do differently. See what you can change to make your spouse more likely to reach your expectations. Think about if you are reaching your spouse's expectations, and if you do not have any idea, then sit down and ask what the other wants. Ask them about their hopes and desires for your marriage and build on those. 

Forgive

Forgiveness is not easy. It is far from easy. I struggle with it everyday. In marriage, there will be times where you will need to forgive your spouse, but how do you do that when you are still so angry at the situation. In my life, I have done some deep reflection on what I can do to better forgive those I love. 

Pray for strength and help. Getting divine help is always a good idea. Heavenly Father and our Savior want us to forgive. They do not want us to have built up anger towards our fellow man. They want us to experience joy in all of life's obstacles. 

Take a step back. When you are in the middle of a conflict it can be easy to get caught up and say things you may later regret. I know I have. I realize now the importance of taking a step back and understanding that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and when we make mistakes, we want others to forgive us. 

lastly, we should try to continue to love them. Heavenly Father loves all his children. He loves us and wants us to be happy. When we have charity towards our fellow man, we are able to grow stronger bonds with them and forgiveness becomes easier.  

Pride

Pride is one of the topics discussed in my house a lot. My husband and most of his family are not shy about sharing their accomplishments, or boosting themselves up. I and my family on the other hand are not so vocal. When something good happens to us, we tend not to share it because we do not like attention on ourselves. When my husband and I first got married it was something that took a lot of adjustment. I was not used to having someone come home at the end of the day and tell about all of the wonderful things they did. I took that as him being prideful and it caused some contention. In reality though, he was just proud of his accomplishments, as he should be. The harsh contrast between how I was raised and how he was is what caused me to think that. I have learned that him telling me he is proud of what he did, he is not putting me down, or others around him, he simply just wants me to celebrate along with him for his accomplishments. Being prideful causes a lot of problems. No person is better than another. We all should celebrate together the accomplishments that we can achieve. Our goal in this life to learn and grow, and to prepare to live with our Heavenly Father again. I know that being prideful is not going to get us there. It is going to prevent us from learning all that we can. Knowledge is power, but when we think we know it all and do not need any help, then we are hurting our self which results in no progression. Heavenly Father wants us to succeed and he wants us to celebrate the moments with those we love we do accomplish our goals. He does not want us to become hurtful to others.