In-Law Relationships

My husband and I come from very different families. It was a very big adjustment going from having one brother to having three more. My husband's parents have four boys, they have never had a daughter so when we got married it was a very exciting time for them but it also took a lot of adjustments. I am naturally an anxious person. I know that meeting them for the first time was very nerve wrecking for me. We were already engaged and I wanted so badly for them to like me. I know that they were feeling the same thing. I am very grateful for the relationship we have now. It has taken some time for us to grow comfortable around each other but they are such a blessing in my life and have really showed some amazing examples to follow. 

Councils

Being married is amazing. It is such a blessing to be with the one you love forever. It is amazing to know that through everything that may happen, you have someone by your side through all of it. It can also be hard. life is not always easy. It is not meant to be. It is important to know that through life's challenges, you can still become victorious. One thing that has helped my husband and I stay focus on the path we want to be on is having family councils. Family Councils are times once a week where we sit down and discuss a lot of things. As I have mentioned before, my husband and I do weekly inventories, and following those inventories, we start by planning our week. I am a planner through and through. I do not like surprises to pop up, I like to be prepared. So by the end of this step, my husband knows what my plans are for dinner, when I will be working, and if I need him or I need to do a special task that is not usual for our week. After that we set goals. We are currently working on praying as a couple more diligently. So we always follow up on the goal for last week and see our progress, and then we decide what our new goal should be, or if we need another week working on the old goal. By the end of this council, we always finish with a prayer. We feel so blessed with the time that we have with one another, and we do not want to waste it arguing about silly things that do not matter, rather than enjoying the time together. 

overcoming Pornography

Pornography is a plaque that is sweeping the nation. It is something that is also very hard to avoid because of the day and age we live in. I have personally known a lot of people that have struggled with it. I have seen tear about families and cause a lot of heartache. Pornography not only affects the person that watches, but also the people they love. My best friend married someone that struggles with addiction to pornography. She has expressed to me multiple times of the struggles that her relationship has. I know it caused her a lot of pain and emotional stress. The hardest part of all of this trying to avoid pornography because it is everywhere. TV, movies, billboards, even commercials contain inappropriate materials and images that cause our brains to react. It is so difficult to keep those images out of your head once they are in there. I have put some thoughts in trying to figure out what we can do to protect our homes from these damaging influences 

1) pray always. Pray together as a family and alone. When it gets hard to keep pure pray for the help you need to withstand temptation. 

2) spend time together. Have fun with your family and bring a spirit of joy in your home

3) laugh together. Laughter is the best medicine right?

4) forgive. Remember that everyone messes up. No one is perfect and they should not have to be. Be wiling to forgive so when you make a mistake you can also be forgiven.

Pornography is hard to beat, but we can be stronger. We can overcome trails with the help of our family. Marriage is worth effort.  

High Expectations

I have heard over and over again that it is better to have low expectations because that way your heart will never get broken. Well, I say that is no way to live! Who wants to live in a world where you are always down playing yourself in certain situations. I sure do not. When my husband and I got married, the best advice we got was to having weekly inventories. My husband and I both served missions for the LDS church and when we were given this advice it reminded us of the companionship inventories we were required to have weekly. So at first we laughed it off and thought it was silly idea.

Fast forward 2 months into marriage and we realize it no longer a silly idea. It is SO needed. I have a non conventional personality. Conflict stresses me out and I do not like it one bit. So I bury a lot of my trails and harsh feelings I am having to save myself from the conflict, but when I do start to express myself, It all comes out at once and I start talking about last week's problems and my husband is so confused. So we started doing inventories. We always start by thinking of what frustrated us this week, what the other person could have done differently to help the situation. We always end by saying nice things about the other and we always leave feeling ready for the new week, knowing no conflict or hurt feelings remain. 

So I say have high expectations. Expect the absolute best from your spouse. If you are not getting the best, then try and see what you can do differently. See what you can change to make your spouse more likely to reach your expectations. Think about if you are reaching your spouse's expectations, and if you do not have any idea, then sit down and ask what the other wants. Ask them about their hopes and desires for your marriage and build on those. 

Forgive

Forgiveness is not easy. It is far from easy. I struggle with it everyday. In marriage, there will be times where you will need to forgive your spouse, but how do you do that when you are still so angry at the situation. In my life, I have done some deep reflection on what I can do to better forgive those I love. 

Pray for strength and help. Getting divine help is always a good idea. Heavenly Father and our Savior want us to forgive. They do not want us to have built up anger towards our fellow man. They want us to experience joy in all of life's obstacles. 

Take a step back. When you are in the middle of a conflict it can be easy to get caught up and say things you may later regret. I know I have. I realize now the importance of taking a step back and understanding that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and when we make mistakes, we want others to forgive us. 

lastly, we should try to continue to love them. Heavenly Father loves all his children. He loves us and wants us to be happy. When we have charity towards our fellow man, we are able to grow stronger bonds with them and forgiveness becomes easier.  

Pride

Pride is one of the topics discussed in my house a lot. My husband and most of his family are not shy about sharing their accomplishments, or boosting themselves up. I and my family on the other hand are not so vocal. When something good happens to us, we tend not to share it because we do not like attention on ourselves. When my husband and I first got married it was something that took a lot of adjustment. I was not used to having someone come home at the end of the day and tell about all of the wonderful things they did. I took that as him being prideful and it caused some contention. In reality though, he was just proud of his accomplishments, as he should be. The harsh contrast between how I was raised and how he was is what caused me to think that. I have learned that him telling me he is proud of what he did, he is not putting me down, or others around him, he simply just wants me to celebrate along with him for his accomplishments. Being prideful causes a lot of problems. No person is better than another. We all should celebrate together the accomplishments that we can achieve. Our goal in this life to learn and grow, and to prepare to live with our Heavenly Father again. I know that being prideful is not going to get us there. It is going to prevent us from learning all that we can. Knowledge is power, but when we think we know it all and do not need any help, then we are hurting our self which results in no progression. Heavenly Father wants us to succeed and he wants us to celebrate the moments with those we love we do accomplish our goals. He does not want us to become hurtful to others. 

Everyday Tasks

It's the everyday tasks that make the most difference. Such as showering, brushing your teeth, and eating. These are all things we must do everyday that make our lives better. I feel more awake and happy after I take my morning shower. I feel healthy after brushing my teeth. Eating really makes me feel happy as well. There are different thing that we can do with our spouse to help drawer you closer. There is folding laundry, doing dishes, cleaning the house. These times are great chances to talk with your spouse. I know that many of my worries and concerns about life have been solved by just talking my feelings out to my husband. Through these times, we grow closer to the other person and learn more about them. Becoming comfortable around a person makes it easier to connect. Hard times happen and it makes it easier when you have someone you can turn to.  

Finding the Positives

Some people find it easier to focus on the negative. Others are better able to focus on the positive. In marriage though, focusing on the negative can be very bad. There are some times where I all I can find are negatives about a situation. Sometimes my mindset can quickly turn to me being the victim, and that is a dangerous mindset. Learning to be appreciative and grateful can change everything. I have seen in marriage that the times we are the happiest is when we both understand that the other person is trying. Some days the dishes might not get done. The laundry may still need to be folded. It is nobody's fault though if it doesn't get done. Some days it is not possible to accomplish everything on your to do list. Sometimes you honestly just need a break, and that is okay. It is okay to take a break. I know that Heavenly Father does not expect us to be perfect, and neither should our spouses, and if we do not want our spouses to judge us, we should not judge them. You have each other to be a help mate. To uplift and be there to comfort one another when times get hard. I have seen in my own marriage that when I take the time to uplift my spouse and comfort him when he is struggling he is much more willing to do the same for me when I have my own hard times.

Newlywed

I am a newlywed. My husband and I have almost been married for six months and we have had our ups and downs, but overall I feel very blessed to be married to such a wonderful man. Friendship has been a key in all of this. Before we were married we talked and got to know each other as friends. We realized through those interactions that we wanted to try and be more than friends. I am so grateful that we did. The number one have to do thing that I realized early on is that you need to think about others more than yourself. It is so important to think of the bigger picture. There are times when all I can think about is me, me, and then some more me. I know that when I am in that mindset, I am not help to my husband. I am frustrated that he also is not thinking about me, and it turns into a big fuss. Instead what I need to do, is turn my focus to him. See what I can do to help make his load lighter or to make him happier. Not only does that make him happy, but it helps me to be more Christlike. It helps me to see how the Savior sees him. He is my best friend, and I should always make him a priority in my life. 

The Wolves

Elder Bruce C. Hafen gave a talk titled Covenant Marriage. He talks about three wolves that every marriage is tested by. They are, the natural adversity, imperfections of one another, and excessive individualism. I have only been married for five months, but I can already see these wolves trying to sneak in and make a meal out of my marriage. 

It is easy to blame other people. It is easier to find faults in others than in ourselves. When things arise, and different situations occur, the easy way out it to find fault in the other person. It takes self-reflection and humility to admit that you too are a part of the problem. I know that there are a lot of times where I just want to blame my husband for why the dishes did not get done, or why the house is a mess, but the truth is, there was a lot more I could have done to help the problem in the first place. I find that these wolves cause a lot of resentment between a couple, which drives the spirit out of our home. 

Elder Hafen said "May we restore the concept of marriage as a covenant, even the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. And when the wolf comes, may we be as shepherds, not hirelings, willing to lay down our lives, a day at a time, for the sheep of our covenant. Then, like Adam and Eve, we will have joy." We must keep in mind that marriage is more than a piece of paper. It is a covenant. It is a promise that we made with our spouse and with God. It is everlasting, and it takes work. Like all things that require work, it is worth it. There is nothing that brings me more joy than knowing that I will be with my husband forever.

Same Sex Marriage

Same sex marriage is tough. It is hard to understand what they are going through if you are not them, just like it is hard to understand what a sick person is going through if you've never had that sickness. One thing I do know though, is they deserve respect. We do not have understand what they are going through. We do not have to agree with their choices. We do not have join them. But we have to respect them. More than that too, we have to love them. The savior taught to love thy neighbor as thy self. It is a commandment to love. It is vital for ourselves and others to love. When we give love, we are able to feel more love as well. When we try to help people, and support them, they show us that same thing in return. Respect should be earned, not given. We have to earn others respect by giving them respect. I know sometimes it can be hard, but we should follow the Savior.

Transitional Characters

Transitional characters are brave. They are strong. They change lives.

Transitional characters have no easy job. They work everyday to be better than the way they raised. I have done a lot of research about foster care, in my own desire of one day being a foster parent, and a lot of the children placed in foster care are great examples of transitional character. They are given a hard hand to deal with. They have often been abused, neglected, or worse. It is how they are raised, to solved problems with violence. Often times, they don't want to turn out like their parents. They want to be better and prove to people that they can amount to something despite the luck they have been given.

The are heroes.