In-Law Relationships

My husband and I come from very different families. It was a very big adjustment going from having one brother to having three more. My husband's parents have four boys, they have never had a daughter so when we got married it was a very exciting time for them but it also took a lot of adjustments. I am naturally an anxious person. I know that meeting them for the first time was very nerve wrecking for me. We were already engaged and I wanted so badly for them to like me. I know that they were feeling the same thing. I am very grateful for the relationship we have now. It has taken some time for us to grow comfortable around each other but they are such a blessing in my life and have really showed some amazing examples to follow. 

Councils

Being married is amazing. It is such a blessing to be with the one you love forever. It is amazing to know that through everything that may happen, you have someone by your side through all of it. It can also be hard. life is not always easy. It is not meant to be. It is important to know that through life's challenges, you can still become victorious. One thing that has helped my husband and I stay focus on the path we want to be on is having family councils. Family Councils are times once a week where we sit down and discuss a lot of things. As I have mentioned before, my husband and I do weekly inventories, and following those inventories, we start by planning our week. I am a planner through and through. I do not like surprises to pop up, I like to be prepared. So by the end of this step, my husband knows what my plans are for dinner, when I will be working, and if I need him or I need to do a special task that is not usual for our week. After that we set goals. We are currently working on praying as a couple more diligently. So we always follow up on the goal for last week and see our progress, and then we decide what our new goal should be, or if we need another week working on the old goal. By the end of this council, we always finish with a prayer. We feel so blessed with the time that we have with one another, and we do not want to waste it arguing about silly things that do not matter, rather than enjoying the time together. 

overcoming Pornography

Pornography is a plaque that is sweeping the nation. It is something that is also very hard to avoid because of the day and age we live in. I have personally known a lot of people that have struggled with it. I have seen tear about families and cause a lot of heartache. Pornography not only affects the person that watches, but also the people they love. My best friend married someone that struggles with addiction to pornography. She has expressed to me multiple times of the struggles that her relationship has. I know it caused her a lot of pain and emotional stress. The hardest part of all of this trying to avoid pornography because it is everywhere. TV, movies, billboards, even commercials contain inappropriate materials and images that cause our brains to react. It is so difficult to keep those images out of your head once they are in there. I have put some thoughts in trying to figure out what we can do to protect our homes from these damaging influences 

1) pray always. Pray together as a family and alone. When it gets hard to keep pure pray for the help you need to withstand temptation. 

2) spend time together. Have fun with your family and bring a spirit of joy in your home

3) laugh together. Laughter is the best medicine right?

4) forgive. Remember that everyone messes up. No one is perfect and they should not have to be. Be wiling to forgive so when you make a mistake you can also be forgiven.

Pornography is hard to beat, but we can be stronger. We can overcome trails with the help of our family. Marriage is worth effort.  

High Expectations

I have heard over and over again that it is better to have low expectations because that way your heart will never get broken. Well, I say that is no way to live! Who wants to live in a world where you are always down playing yourself in certain situations. I sure do not. When my husband and I got married, the best advice we got was to having weekly inventories. My husband and I both served missions for the LDS church and when we were given this advice it reminded us of the companionship inventories we were required to have weekly. So at first we laughed it off and thought it was silly idea.

Fast forward 2 months into marriage and we realize it no longer a silly idea. It is SO needed. I have a non conventional personality. Conflict stresses me out and I do not like it one bit. So I bury a lot of my trails and harsh feelings I am having to save myself from the conflict, but when I do start to express myself, It all comes out at once and I start talking about last week's problems and my husband is so confused. So we started doing inventories. We always start by thinking of what frustrated us this week, what the other person could have done differently to help the situation. We always end by saying nice things about the other and we always leave feeling ready for the new week, knowing no conflict or hurt feelings remain. 

So I say have high expectations. Expect the absolute best from your spouse. If you are not getting the best, then try and see what you can do differently. See what you can change to make your spouse more likely to reach your expectations. Think about if you are reaching your spouse's expectations, and if you do not have any idea, then sit down and ask what the other wants. Ask them about their hopes and desires for your marriage and build on those. 

Forgive

Forgiveness is not easy. It is far from easy. I struggle with it everyday. In marriage, there will be times where you will need to forgive your spouse, but how do you do that when you are still so angry at the situation. In my life, I have done some deep reflection on what I can do to better forgive those I love. 

Pray for strength and help. Getting divine help is always a good idea. Heavenly Father and our Savior want us to forgive. They do not want us to have built up anger towards our fellow man. They want us to experience joy in all of life's obstacles. 

Take a step back. When you are in the middle of a conflict it can be easy to get caught up and say things you may later regret. I know I have. I realize now the importance of taking a step back and understanding that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and when we make mistakes, we want others to forgive us. 

lastly, we should try to continue to love them. Heavenly Father loves all his children. He loves us and wants us to be happy. When we have charity towards our fellow man, we are able to grow stronger bonds with them and forgiveness becomes easier.  

Pride

Pride is one of the topics discussed in my house a lot. My husband and most of his family are not shy about sharing their accomplishments, or boosting themselves up. I and my family on the other hand are not so vocal. When something good happens to us, we tend not to share it because we do not like attention on ourselves. When my husband and I first got married it was something that took a lot of adjustment. I was not used to having someone come home at the end of the day and tell about all of the wonderful things they did. I took that as him being prideful and it caused some contention. In reality though, he was just proud of his accomplishments, as he should be. The harsh contrast between how I was raised and how he was is what caused me to think that. I have learned that him telling me he is proud of what he did, he is not putting me down, or others around him, he simply just wants me to celebrate along with him for his accomplishments. Being prideful causes a lot of problems. No person is better than another. We all should celebrate together the accomplishments that we can achieve. Our goal in this life to learn and grow, and to prepare to live with our Heavenly Father again. I know that being prideful is not going to get us there. It is going to prevent us from learning all that we can. Knowledge is power, but when we think we know it all and do not need any help, then we are hurting our self which results in no progression. Heavenly Father wants us to succeed and he wants us to celebrate the moments with those we love we do accomplish our goals. He does not want us to become hurtful to others. 

Everyday Tasks

It's the everyday tasks that make the most difference. Such as showering, brushing your teeth, and eating. These are all things we must do everyday that make our lives better. I feel more awake and happy after I take my morning shower. I feel healthy after brushing my teeth. Eating really makes me feel happy as well. There are different thing that we can do with our spouse to help drawer you closer. There is folding laundry, doing dishes, cleaning the house. These times are great chances to talk with your spouse. I know that many of my worries and concerns about life have been solved by just talking my feelings out to my husband. Through these times, we grow closer to the other person and learn more about them. Becoming comfortable around a person makes it easier to connect. Hard times happen and it makes it easier when you have someone you can turn to.